It seems my days of "despondency & despair" are over. it also seems that its all controlled by mind and time. sometimes we are above our senses and feels like masters of senses, and sometimes we are below our senses and feels like slaves of senses. the former results in "good times" of our life and latter - "bad times" of our life. also called ups and downs. in bad times, when senses are above us, we (I) think that something is wrong outside or of our inabilities. but its all an interplay of mind and time. we can't do anything. it happens by itself. atleast in my case its all happening by itself.
in my "bad times" i kept on blaming either myself or my surrounding for the bad that was happening and kept on trying and trying and efforting, but in vain. it continued for almost 2 years. and now, since last few weeks, everything is looking fine. same surroundings, same my abilities but everything seems to have become OK by itself. and i am feeling happy and joyous again although i did nothing.
Perhaps we go on moving and running in these ups and downs all our life. it certainly seems better to remain stable rather than moving like a pendulum, if the resultant is same. only if we could achieve that stability.
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