Evidence ki mahima

What opens the eye? Understanding yourself. "Understanding yourself" - It's not some esoteric wording. It's very simple, very obvious. It's exactly what it says. 

 What brings peace? Realizing you cannot die. Again, this realization is not some esoteric or otherworldly or supernatural experience. It's exactly the way any other realization happens in everyday life. You didn't see something or some connection between two phenomena before, you see it now. Like you have been seeing peeling of paint on your room's wall since many days and one day suddenly realize it's due to construction work going on in your neighbor house. You knew about construction work since many days and you knew about paint peeling since many days but the connection between two occurred to you at a particular moment. That's realization. And when that same realization happens about something fundamental like self, that brings peace. That's enlightenment. That's waking up. All these words have developed mystic aura around them but they are actually very simple and are exactly what they say. 

How do you realize you cannot die? By seeing evidence. Discarding all the knowledge gathered from others and seeing evidence purely of your own experience. Noticing that you haven't had a single moment in your life in which you weren't there. 

How do you realize oneness? By seeing evidence. Noticing that you've never seen or experienced a soul or awareness in anybody else except yourself. The world and everybody in it has never been anything other than your vision. 

How do you realize separation from body? By seeing evidence. Noticing that in all experiences and sensations and phenomenons you were always there and you never changed. Before making the jump from stairs you were there, during the jump you were there, after the jump you are there, and unchanged in all three. Before the bodily pain you were there, during the pain you were there, after the pain you are there, and unchanged in all three. 

What is truth? Instinctively you know -- that which doesn't change. So how do you realize truth? By seeing evidence. Noticing that which doesn't change. Which never disappears. You see the world outside changing, you see your body and personality since childhood changing, you see the radical changes in your body, personality and outside world during dream. What's one thing that's not changing? You. 

"Satya ka kabhi abhaav nahi hota, asatya ka kabhi bhaav nahi hota" - Gita

Aisa koi kshan nahi jisme satya na ho aapke samne. Aur aisa koi kshan nahi jisme asatya ho aapke samne. Lekin suni sunai, padhi padhai, anumaan lagai baato ko hum maan lete hein aur assumptions bna lete hein jaise ki maut hoti hai, sabme alag chetna hai etc.

Evidence change lata hai. Apni ankho dekha evidence. Simple cheezo ka realization simple changes lata hai. Paint peeling aur neighbor construction k beech k connection ka realization ho jane par aapko paint peeling ko lekar dobara man me sawal ni aaynge aur confusion dur ho jayga. Usi tarah Self se sambandhit cheez ka realization self se jude sawal aur confusion khtam kar dega.

I

 The process of universe creation and the process of moving hand is same. Everything in universe happens with the same process. There is no need of external proof to believe something, one can't really believe with external proofs. One really believes what one sees, one really believes only in himself. That alone brings transformative changes, not just knowledge to be stored in brain. 

 The truth is always simple. You can easily see it, easily know it. There is no need of for someone to tell it to you. You are part of universe, that means you have all its secrets inside you. What happens in everyday life is what happens in ultimate secrets too.

Someone can help in the sense that they can make you notice something you were seeing but not noticing.  

You are the central figure in all this. Earlier I was seeking a lot from outside, for someone to tell me the truth or tell me the way to it or make me understand it. That was, in a way, my mistrust in myself. 

Idea of Advait brought me back home, back to myself. First of all the idea of one and oneness makes sense, integrates. Then it places me at center so I can see and check everything for myself. That increases one's integrity, one's faith a thousandfold. Hearing that something happened vs seeing it happen has a vast difference of impact on oneself. 

There is an I. At rest it is at rest. When provoked, it does things. Even in doing it stays the same. You move your head and see a tree. You move your head again and stop seeing it. In all this, "You" stays the same -- You moved head, You saw tree, You stopped seeing tree. Yet activities are happening. Head is moving, tree is appearing and disappearing. Those are activities of You. You takes form of head, then moves the head, then takes form of tree, then stops taking form of tree and takes form of head. Based on ideas, desires, sankalps, You takes forms. Pain and pleasure are also forms. Just as we see, same way we feel. To say that form is me is also true, to say that I created form thus I am separate from form is also true. In that way dvait is also, advait is also true. 

Taking form is boundation, not taking form is liberation. To do things, to take form, has many  motives. Ideological, moral, sensual. Motivated by some idea we believe in, trying to fulfill that idea. Or believing in some moral obligation, some duty we ought to do. Or simply tempted by form. Seeing falsity of these things is what wisdom is called. Falsity of ideas, of duties, of forms.

Truth is neither on one side nor on other. People live believing in either one idea or its opposite idea. They spend their time pointing advantage of their side and disadvantage of other. But that's all they are - advantages and disadvantages as per sync with one's deeper ideas. Having an idea and working to fulfill it - that's the main boundation. 

Not saying boundation is bad either. One can see it in oneself. To do something is ok, to not do anything is also ok.  Freedom is only my personal preference. 

There are no character flaws. Just people believing in certain ideas. There are no objective references. Different situations, mixed with different ideas and beliefs, cause different action from people. So everything is temporary and situational. It's not a characteristic of person. Person himself is fundamentally pure. Similarly it's with greatness. Nobody is great in himself, he simply has different ideas. 

Most of our judgements are comparisonal. "I did better than him so it's good, I did worse than him so it's bad." All the 'should's, all the goods and bads told to us by society or religion are always contextual. Good FOR something, bad FOR something. Social goods are good for society. Religious goods and bad are for getting heaven or hell. Not good and bad fundamentally. There is no good and bad fundamentally.

Everybody has same I. Not similar, same. There is only one I and everybody has it only. It is this one I that is watching whole Indra's Net (Indrjaal). Different frame of reference and vision at each mirror (thus different person) but same I. 

 There are longer and shorter ideas. Body is one of the longer ideas.

Ideas cannot continue without faith in them. That's why some religions call for faith to get heaven. Faith in idea of heaven makes heaven reality. We can  see its example in dreams. How dreams create worlds out of ideas and make you inhabit them. But one cannot have faith in an idea after realizing its falsity. Falsity in the sense that even if you inhabit heaven you cannot change the fundamentals of life and death. Heaven will also vanish one day. That's why Indr was always fearful of losing heaven. One can see it in one's life. Good times come, then go. They were real while they were there but when one looks at bigger picture one realize their falsity in the sense of temporariness. There is a randomness in afterlife world that's why no prophet could exactly predict who will get heaven and who not. I think it's similar to dream. One can't predict what dream is gonna come but one can in general say that person of particular mindset gets particular type of dreams. 

Certain ideas create dream world, then within dream world we live and create according to certain ideas. I am same in both dream world and waking world, only the world surrounding me is different, including excess and lack of certain emotions which then motivate my actions as per surrounding world's situation. So emotions are also part of surrounding since they are changing between dream and waking world. Only "I" is constant and unchanging in both.

There is no such thing as achievement. I used to believe in achievement, I used to think enlightenment is an achievement. But now I don't think so. Enlightenment is already there, already situated in us. So are all wisdoms. I may become aware of it or not but it's already there. Even my becoming aware of it doesn't really change anything. Only I will get peace. But whether I am at peace or not doesn't change my fundamental nature. 

We are standing on shoulders of  our ancestors. This body, all its sensation, its pains and pleasures, are result of activities of our ancestors.

 Idea continues only when one believes that the idea is worthwhile, that one is achieving something if he pursues the idea. Society asks us to pursue certain ideas, parents ask us to pursue some. But upon closer scrutiny no idea proves worthwhile, no achievement worth achieving.

The Great Tide

 Nietzsche asked, "Do you want to be an ebb in this great tide?" He is talking about the tide of evolution. Of how a creature struggles and works towards creating something better than itself. But what's great about this tide? It's just a play of nature. A nature with infinite resources and infinite time. What does it lack? It has created countless worlds like ours. So nature doesn't need it. Now let's talk about ourselves. Humans need it, for themselves. And that's the source, the basis of Nietzsche's conviction. "I love mankind", Zarathustra said. It was his love for humans that gave him the basis, the ground to stand on. It's the identity thing. Whatever we identify with, we work for that. You identify as Indian, you work for betterment of India. You identify as Hindu, you work for and according to your religion. You identify as Mumbaikar, you develop hate for Biharis. You identify as human, you develop a philosophy for the betterment of mankind. But I don't identify as any of that, I don't get into this game. I don't like giving labels to myself. I am just a being. 

    So, what's great about that tide? It's a great as any of other nature's plays. The only other way I can think about this is: it's my desire. I created this tide in my past because I wanted it. What was I seeking back then? I don't know. But my present can't find a basis to be part of this tide. It was a desire. It is desires that create worlds, Buddha as well as Walter Russell said that. But in current human form, desire needs reason as well, else desire can't move forward. And I find no reason to continue this tide. It's not great for me. For what purpose I give my effort, my energy in continuation of tide? What are the prospects, what are the results? There is no worthwhile result.

    If it's all about me, all that matters is me and my desire, then I would rather not continue the desire, I would rather not continue the tide. I don't find it worth the effort it takes.

Why is there urge in me to "do something"? I think I should accept the non-worthiness, the meaninglessness of outside doings instead of struggling against it. By now for fact that there is nothing worth doing in the outside world. Nothing equals the effort it takes. The active energy of my mind is only spent on useless things. I know it, and that's why I either seek them or when I do one of them out of urge or something I only feel disappointed later on.

My conclusion on life

 So far, this is my conclusion on life:

Life in its fundamental sense is free energy. Brain/mind tries to direct it, in a way that it thinks is beneficial for organism. Because that's how evolution developed it, that's how replicating organisms evolved on earth. The tragedy of humans is that we had good memory and more mirror neuron so became capable of reflecting and being aware of things and our actions in hindsight. While it helped us getting better at survival it also increased our suffering to level no animal had ever seen. We saw death! Development of religion is one of the most primitive traits of all human tribes, why? We had to develop an afterlife. We had to develop gods that take care of our crops, rains, floods. Otherwise it was just chaos in front of us upon reflection. It rains anytime, flood comes anytime destroying our crops, animals attack out of nowhere. Above all, we die. How could any human reflect on these things and keep a healthy mind. He had to find solutions to these problems.

Mind is a result oriented machine. That's why the conclusion that "life is meaningless" is perceived negatively. Such people then draw up another conclusion, that if life is meaningless then eat, drink and be merry. That's often the philosophy of atheists and nihilists. But it's again another conclusion of mind, because there is some is perceived benefit in 'eat, drink and be merry'. They bring good feelings, they are pleasurable to senses. But it's not Truth of life. Truth of life is that life is. Now it doesn't give us about origins of life. Yet it's complete truth. It's complete in the practical sense. Origin of life is a past thing, something that already happened. Knowing the story of origin is merely that - knowledge of a story. The practical thing, the reality is the present life. Knowing about that reality is the main thing. Thus the truth about present life is complete truth in practical sense.

The energy is flowing. The mind tries to direct it towards a supposedly beneficial thing. I spent a lot of my time, too much of my time, analyzing, believing or chasing its various conclusions, either my own conclusions or of others. But I was probably lucky because my will to truth used to take me out of those loops eventually.

The directionless of energy, the is-ness of life, comes with another consequence: freedom in answer to question:"what to do?" What to do? No matter what the truth of life is, I still have to live my life in some way. I am existing with the energy and the apparatus of evolution. I have to do something with it. The is-ness of life gives me freedom to do anything. I had this freedom earlier too before finding truth of life, but I didn't know it, I wasn't sure of it. 

So that's my point, that's my conclusion regarding the fundamental, the practical question, the only question that actually matters: 'What to do?' This is actually the most important thing, more important than knowing the truth about origin of life. How life arose is not important. Important is what to do. What should I, as an individual do, how should I live my life, that's what's important for me. And when I seek truth I am actually seeking the answer of "what to do?" in the hope that maybe past and truth about life and evolution will give me the answer to it. The story or truth of life in itself should be irrelevant to me. I am living now and I have this life, this energy, this ability with me and the only question is what to do at this moment. 

Again I am amazed at the loop. Because this is the same conclusion that I reached to 10 years ago, in my post 'Decoding Life'.

Subjective side of replicating molecule and its Evolution

The replicating molecule that was precursor to first cell must have felt urge to combine with particles that were similar to itself and that it was capable of attracting. When it succeeded in combining molecules to itself, it must had a sense of relief, of tension subsiding. (Naturally, charged chemical molecules always are tensed and are in search of a way to ease this tension. The tension eases when they combine with opposite charged compatible molecule.) Such feelings/sensations of tension and relief were the subjective side of those molecules.

When one molecule came and attached to replicating molecular structure, it was feeling one type of forces around it. When another molecule came and attached to replicating structure next to this first molecule, first molecule feels a change of force around it. Its feeling changes. Now its destiny is linked to the other molecule. With each coming molecule, the force around first molecule changes and that's reflected in change of feeling it feels. Its urge, its attracting power changes. Finally when all molecules are attached to replicating structure, they are in shape similar to original replicating structure. When new structure separates from original structure, the overall feeling it feels is similar to the overall feeling of original structure. That's because molecular composition and shape and structure is similar. So the force around it is similar. The attraction and charge it has is similar. Now the feeling of our first molecule is morphed in a way that it is part of overall feeling of structure. That's because the force and charge our first molecule has around it is morphed due to other molecules around it. That overall new molecular structure has a resultant force and charge (attraction).

The world of a charged element or molecule must be quite chaotic. It feels a constant craving to satisfy the deficiency (in case of negative charge) or excess (in case of positive charge) it constantly feels. It attracts the first compatible opposite charged element/molecule that comes near it through electromagnetic force and combines with it to form a new molecule. The resultant molecule may be stable or it may also have some charge. If it has charge, it will again seek to combine with any compatible opposite charged molecule. All this leads to many different molecular structures with different properties. One such structure may have been a bit long and may have a property of replication. It attracted only molecules similar to its own constituent molecules, but when they all combined, it felt a repulsive force and released the new structure away. Once alone, it again attracted, then again released. Thus the cycle went on and the original structure became a replicating machine. All the structures it was releasing were similar to itself and they all became replicating machines too and thus the number of these replicating molecular structures increased exponentially, provided constituent molecules were available in abundance.

Replication with protective layer: Now, naked molecules may have gotten easily destroyed due to a variety of outside forces but lets say some of them accidentally got inside oil bubbles or other form of protective bubble. Those inside the bubbles were safe from variety of destructive outside forces. So bubble ones survived and naked ones got destroyed. Now we only have bubble enclosed replicating structures. They again started replicating if constituent molecules were able to flow inside those bubbles. When new structure separates from parent structure, it moves away with speed and as it reaches bubble boundary, it takes half the bubble with it. (Or it may be that bubble/molecular membrane was part of original molecular structure in the way it attracts molecules around it. Maybe, in addition to attracting similar constituent molecules, it also attracted some type of molecules around it in a circular fashion, like soap does around dust particles.) So when replication completes, bubbles/membrane also splits into two, around each structure. The bubble may be smaller at first but it would retain original bigger shape because of property/force of molecular structure and availability of raw material of bubble/membrane nearby.

Evolution: Lets say original molecular structure didn't have the property to form a protective membrane around it. The replications aren't perfect and error leads to some change in molecular structure of some copies (error may be due to a new molecule coming near and attaching somewhere to parent structure because it had properties similar to constituent molecule and thus was mistakenly accepted). Now let's say one such errored copy had a property of making molecular membrane around it. So this copy and copies of this copy had membrane around them while all other structures were naked. A destructive force or wave came from outside in the pool where all our molecular structures were propagating and killed all naked structures. But the structures with membrane survived due to protection from membrane. So from now on only membraned structures will be available in pool and they will replicate. Membrane became a fundamental part of our structure. This is evolution. A simple game of numbers and chance. All sorts of changes occur and propagate for time being, but only those changes that help in survival and propagation tend to survive in long term.

We today only see RNA and DNA, i.e. combination of nucleotides, but not any other simpler replicating structure. There must have been series of evolution of replicating structure that lead to RNA but probably previous ones didn't survive and only RNA ended up surviving or was stable enough to survive in long term. How did things come to RNA? RNA duplicates itself as well as releases proteins (made of amino acids - carbon based molecules) that help RNA in many ways - helping in replication as well as carrying out functions of RNA. How did it come to be? 

We do what we feel to do. To relieve this eternal craving we feel. Fill the gap / fill the hole as they say. Feelings change with events. Replicating molecule initially feels hunger. But when it manages to attract and attach all necessary particles to form a copy, maybe for a moment it is relieved, but then it feels the need to detach the complete copied molecule. Isn't it the same with us? We move from desire to desire. Once we attain a desire, for some small time we feel good but soon move on to next desire. Today's food can't satiate tomorrow's hunger. Why isn't the molecule ever satisfied? Because the day it is, it will be the end of its lineage. In the past, many forms of replicating molecule may have gotten satisfied/stabilized, then they no longer felt need to replicate and that was their lineage's end. Maybe even today they lie somewhere, gratified; more likely - external forces fragmented them away. 

But how did events turn into feelings? They were already feelings, only the feelings are now more segregated, specialized, as per the evolution. The hunger of molecule changed its "taste" as its shape changed. 

(A side idea that just came to me: Maybe particles don't 'have' feelings, maybe particles 'are' feelings.)

Initially the molecule controlled its structure from its own force. Then it started sending out smaller messengers/carriers/agent molecules to carry out work for it. How? An anomaly in molecule would've made it attract and then repel specific molecules and those molecules had some effects, say, weakening the protective layer during replication. Such change would've made that cell reproduce better/faster increasing its number and consequently chances of survival in a chaotic world, which it clearly did. Now that cell is bigger and has many molecules involved other than original replicating one, the feeling/force of cell as a whole is equal to resultant of feelings/forces of individual molecules. BUT only those cells will survive in which this resultant feeling is still of hunger and desire to replicate. This principal keeps eliminating those changes that lead cell to behave in any other way (i.e. cells with such changes don't replicate/survive). It may look difficult or improbable, but when you consider that those cells had many million years at their disposal, it becomes probable and even natural.

Life and Subjectivity

The question that I began with was: Which is bigger/which came earlier - Will to Power or Will to Live? Basically Nietzsche vs Schopenhauer. Or is it Will to Freedom (Buddha)? Which of these drives the life? Organic life was created by a molecular structure that was able to replicate itself. It was able to attract particles from the organic pool in a shape similar to itself and thus created its copies. So it clearly showed property that it wanted to live, that's why it created copies of itself so that they can live incase it dies. Basically it made copies of its soul so that it can live through them even after its own death. So there is clearly a will to live. But why do that? Why so much thirst for life? To exert its power over the world? I don't think so. I think it just wants to be, and is doing everything so that it can.

But then came to my mind, is there really a strict difference between living and non living? that molecular structure merely happened to have a shape that attracted other similar particles and led to its copies. There are trillions of other molecular structures in which no such thing happens. "Conway's Game of Life" video game shows how a few very simple rules can lead to inanimate particles making copies of themselves. So maybe (organic) life is not the culmination or purpose of universe, it is merely an offshoot, a branch of it, just one consequence of universe's rules.

What do the particles want? What does the universe want? How does a planet view the world? Does it have a subjective world? How does it perceive law of gravity? scientific logic tells us that human's subjective view of the world cannot be a supernatural thing, so maybe everything has a subjective world, something Schopenhauer also said - that subjective cannot be separated from objective and they always co-exist.

Does everything just want to live, to be, or can it have some other motive too?

Maybe it is an ongoing, decentralized process. In the beginning, that molecule structure making copies of itself was merely an event, something that just happened because of its properties. But as that thing evolved, became more sophisticated, this reproduction property became its god, became an unbreakable rule for it. In us, it gives the feeling of sexual drive. Acquiring raw material for reproduction became another necessary rule. In us, it gives the feeling of hunger. Earlier, making a copy was merely an inanimate event that happened to that molecular structure; In us, it is a whole subjective feeling. Because we are children of that event, we are beneath it, we are created from it, so for us it is a god. Making a copy became an essential rule for this whole lineage of organic life because without it, the entity would no longer be part of the lineage, the legacy. To disconnect from lineage is called DEATH.

The legacy of that molecular structure is called organic life on earth. Recurring events of previous beings of lineage became subjective feelings for next beings of lineage.

So pain and hunger and sex drive are all subjective things? I would say yes. They sure feel objective. Event of father is reality of son.

So is that how inanimate turns into animate, non-living turns into living? Because of the subjectivity and similarity of subjectivities. The copying mechanism made subjectivity of lineage similar and  similar feelings emerged and thus led to regarding each other as living. We share a similar past and roads that led to present are similar and thus our subjectivity is similar.

So yeah, that structure of molecule was alive. And it did have some properties. Its property of attracting similar molecules can be called rudimentary form of hunger or sex drive. It must feel that hunger. Evolution of body is parallely accompanied by evolution of feelings/subjectivity. I am not sure if they are one and the same thing but it's like from outside an alien sees that we eat food but from inside only we know that we feel hunger and need to eat food and that's why we eat food. The structure of molecule, from outside, appears to be just attracting particles, but from inside it must have felt a hunger to bring particles close to it.

Music and Body

We can't sing without moving our hands. Singers know that. Similarly orators need to move their hands while giving speech. With some singers, different and subtle nodes are accompanied by different and subtle movement of hand and fingers. This shows that thoughts and words are actually movements of body. When the body wants to execute a thought, it can do that through only one way of execution that it knows of - movement. Our body is still not used to speaking. Our body, which was formed under millions of years of non-speaking era and knew of only one way of executing its needs/desires - movement, has not fully accepted speaking as another form of executing tasks yet, as speaking is a recent invention.

 

Humans can sing and produce music by subtle movement of hands. We make music, hear back the music, and when it resonates with body, it sounds pleasant. All great musicians say that music comes to them, they don't create it. They say it comes from god and they merely act as vessels to it. When the music resonates with body, body starts dancing. Dancing is an activity that I always found strange. I mean ok, maybe we learned music from birds or hollow wood sounds or echo, and it can have practical uses too. But why dance? why waste energy on a non productive activity? When music resonates, body starts dancing in rhythm. We also feel like dancing when we are happy and elated. That happens without music. It opens a correlation that music or musical notes are basically a picture or pattern or map of our inner body and show the pattern in which body is most happy. Maybe this is our resonance frequency. People of different personalities like different type of music, although basic theme of all human music is same consisting of seven basic notes. Animals rarely dance to our tunes. They sometimes do but rarely. Maybe we can experiment in this area and find at what music frequencies different animals dance or their body shows rhythm. Sufis use dance as a way to god.

 

An argument commonly given is that music and dance is used by animals to attract partner. This is an incomplete argument. Why would partner get impressed by useless sounds and moves? Maybe he/she wants to see how 'in tune' you are with your body? Those better synced with their body can make better/quicker decisions.

 

Words are thoughts expressed/executed. Body hasn't fully recognized act of speaking yet so it produces a movement to execute those thoughts. Thoughts are brain recognizable body needs/desires/fears.

 

It is a myth that people can think without moving. People can ‘remember’ without moving. Thinking is a different process. New thoughts arise when you’re in motion. That’s why we have rocking chairs which are favorite of writers and thinkers. Nietzsche said he got all his best ideas while walking. He used to go on a mountain walk everyday and suggested walking method to others as well. Idle body cannot generate new thoughts, exceptions aside. If nothing else, we move the eyes or head. When people become clueless in a situation, they start moving their head and blankly stare at meaningless objects, as if seeking a new idea from them. The objects don’t give them the idea, the movement of head and vision does. When we dream, our eyes move. This phenomenon is called REM. The deeper the dream, the faster the eye movement. Why would eyes need to move for a purely brain activity? The movement generates creative dream ideas.

 

Thoughts are brain recognizable body needs/desires/fears. Brain acts as an intermediary between inside world and outside world. Thoughts aren’t exact body desires. They’re outcome of how brain interprets those desires and quantifies them in thoughts. Brain learns from outside world. Whatever brain knows, it has gathered from outside. So when brain translates body desire into thought, this is what it does - it scans all the knowledge it has gathered from outside world and tries to relate it with desire. And creates thought based on whatever it decides as the best possible combination or relation. It is a learning process. In the beginning, it is really a hit and miss. The thought brain settled upon may actually have nothing to do with body desire. An example of this is the classic teenage angst and the outcomes it produces. Hormonal changes occur rather suddenly creating intense body needs/desires and teenager’s brain tries to interpret them based on whatever it knows. But it knows very little. So the thought brain settles upon is most of the times a miss. And what thoughts they are! It can be anything in the world. Controlling parent, school groups, boyfriend/girlfriend, sports, politics, race, capitalism/communism, state of planet etc etc. Whichever of these the brain decides upon, the teenager lashes on it with all his might. He wants to satisfy that intense body desire. And how often it happens that he returns disillusioned? Very often. Because the thought was a miss. The things he thought will satisfy him, do not, even if he manages to achieve them. The body didn’t want them, the body wanted something else.

Meaning of life is found in tiredness

Life and Purpose

Potential: Jordan Peterson

Great video. It seems to reveal the nature of life and humans in a very clear way. He says that life has a purpose, intrinsically. We tend to adopt nihilistic views when we interfere with life's natural processes. And that adoption itself interferes with life's natural processes. It is a form of perversion. His talk on how adults interact with child and what happens in love are very clear and true. That's what really happens. When we fall in love, a new window seems to open in our life. We see a purpose. We get a clear view of great life ahead. And it opens us up. It removes all self imposed barriers and burdens we had on our shoulder and which clouded our thought process, which were imposed because of a closed view on life, because of whatever philosophy or complex we had enclosed ourselves into for various reasons. 

When we have a purpose, it's a great thing, and a very important thing. That purpose doesn't have to be tangible and clearly defined. It is just the movement and striving towards something, movement and striving forward. 

He also talks about reality. So it's not like we should choose this way of life because it's beneficial. It's not like we are choosing it over the other alternative that is nihilism, which science reveals. Maybe this is reality, the only truth. It can't exist without us, without a purpose. It makes sense.

Two of Premchand's best stories are: मंत्र and स्वामिनी

Beyond Choice

Sorry, I haven't posted anything since long time. Its not that I haven't written anything. there are many posts pending in draft. I just don't feel like publishing them. Why? because when I reread them i find them as full of lies. They aren't really "my" thoughts. or to be more precise, they are results of some very temporary states of mind. i change too quickly; so much so that I no longer know what my fundamental belief system is. whatever I think I also am aware of its opposite, and thus begins an infinite regression of thoughts, leading nowhere.
Now, what to write? not that I lack material to write, the problem is just opposite - too many things, but none with a solid basis. I want to write, but just don't know what!

I think I would like to share some realizations I am having since past some time. Choosing one over the other is not going to give you peace. Truth is neither on the left side nor on right. all choices are biased, all choices are corrupted. choice, by its very nature, is corrupted. so there remains no point in thinking that left is more better or good than right; as long as you choose between them its bound to fail...you won't get the desired result (by result i mean things like peace, happiness, truth etc.). This is one of the fundamental things I have learnt from past experiences.
Truth lies somewhere inbetween, through a, kind of, smooth, seamless path that pierces through this duality of choice and goes beyond it. a state where these choices don't matter. a state where you are not concerned with results. ofcourse results are going to make effect on you, yet they don't matter. you see them with a dispassionate eye, or atmost, with compassion. I don't know how to define it, how to make it more clear, but I have felt that state, experienced it many times. I used to experience it in my school days also and even now it occasionally occurs, mostly while travelling in bus,.. and all doubts seem to clear up. Then i try to explore it more and more because I know its very temporary state and the moment I enter my house and say the first words to some family member it will be gone. it used to happen then, it happens now. So i try to explore it as long as it remains so that i may try to induce it at home too. But you know there hasn't been much success. I have been able to recognize some its properties, its characteristics, one of which i have written above. but that doesn't change anything. one hour of home environment is enough to completely forget it and return to same old behavior. Then even if I try to I can't produce even a momentary glimpse of it...even the memory of that experience becomes corrupted. so engrossed and entangled I get into the web of choices. you can imagine the impenetrability of this web by the fact that choosing to become choiceless is also a choice! its something transcendental, something that happens but you can't do it.

Well that's it. maybe i will write more about it later...


                    

Yesterday Truths

Mind has a tendency to fabricate things. It can create a mountain out of a mole. Freud has shown that out of a simplest desire that might have occurred during the day, the mind can fabricate a whole reasonable, full-fledged dream during night. now, if one has occurred such a dream and he sets out to understand, interpret or decode it, probably he won't be able to do so. he won't be able to come to conclusion that the real root of the dream was that small desire. 

And I think that's how our life has become also. what we call human nature, human tendencies, human truths are results of the past situations our minds have gone through. this includes both childhood upbringing and evolutionary history. that's common, i know. its probably called evolutionary psychology. But what I want to say is that what philosophers and psychologists and spiritualists tries to discover through rigorous thinking and practice can be extracted and reached to through this relatively simple method. They discovers a human truth and makes it feel like something sacred and very important for future, although in reality there is nothing divine in it...it can simply be the result of some practical situation our ancestors faced in finding food. that tendency is now, when food is easily available, buried into our unconscious and is giving birth to and controlling our passions and thoughts. humanity is the result of its past. there is nothing divine about it, nothing at all. we have repressed too much in the past. our unconscious is very large. this mind, this clever, creative, always-trying-to-be-reasonable mind has mixed up and matched up every unconscious attribute in order to make sense and that grand story fabricated by it now is called human nature. 

Now, Psychoanalysis, as freud said, means making the unconscious conscious. it wants to bring out the root of trouble i.e. that memory. so, can the same method be applied for realizing the truth of life and universe also?

maybe Meditation, which they call the way to truth, is this same method. or maybe not. but one thing is sure: what has been regarded sacred and holy by religions isn't so holy objectively...and not the truth for sure.

We are what we were.

Yesterday's truths are today's living lies.

Origin of God (and his death)

Behold! i have understood the problem now. Behold! i will write my story now. the story of the birth and death of God. the story of the afterworld, the otherworld. all these three years of engineering i was searching for my problem. and i have found it now. not one but there were two, but the one is the source of other. yes, the real is the source of virtual, and its the story of how the virtual became real.
I won't tell you the first death of god. yes, in me, god died twice. but i will start from the first birth of him. because his first death was sacred...a thousand times sacred than his zeroeth birth.
The reason of first birth of god was my cowardice, my lack of courage to face society, to fight against society in innocence. they combined when the soil was fertile and god was born. and how did the soil became fertile? ah! i can give reasons but in reality the seeds were always there. in my golden times also the seeds were there. the seeds were sown by my lack of courage and and my fear of future. and all other outer reasons were just fertilizers which increased the pace of growth of god.
and i started sinking down and down in those fears. it was a spiral downward. hell were those days. but this i want to say: i was true to the earth even in those days. i never left the earth and seek otherworld. i was still searching for solutions only in science and psychology. i faced that downgoing face to face.
And then came that fateful day. i don't know what would had happened of me had that thing not had happened. i amuse myself imagining possibilities. would i had become a scientist? or a follower of self -help books? or a positive thinker!? but none is the case because fate had otherwise. that day Ashish introduced me to OSHO. Osho, ah! how can i forgive him? and in doing so, how can i forgive myself!? my friends, my downgoing was not the direct reason of the birth of god. it was only preparing soil. the direct sower of seeds of god into me was Osho. he placed in my heart the otherworld. he made me a dreamer and took me away from the earth, my beautiful earth. he caught me in my doomdays and took me away. ah! how good and tempting it feels na to throw away the blames on someone else! but to whom am i lying? no it wasn't his fault. he was an all-rounder. his intelligence was universal. how could he left so many other troubling souls just to save me? his nets were largest, his mission the broadest. i was just caught in one of them, and in my attempt to understand the whole net i unknowingly, subtly gave birth to god. (you can guess by now what i mean by god. its faith in otherworld).
But the story is not complete yet. that which is born has to die too. and can you guess who killed him, the god? Osho's favorite author himself - Friedrich Nietzsche. when he proclaimed "God is Dead" this proclaimation was enough to kill him. why?because he was virtual, mental. i created him in my mind through ideas. thus ideas can kill him too. he was never real. you know what is real in all this? its fear.
remain true to the earth. seek, chase, pursue only that what is real. remain true to the man, remain true to yourself. that's the doctrine of Nietzsche.
(god isn't dead yet. but i believe he will, because i have got the idea. and an idea can kill another idea).
Behold! i will no longer be an escapist. behold! i will face the earth again, i will face my face again.

The Tell-Tale Brain

                             


I watch this COSMOS series by Carl Sagan whenever I am free and in some curious mood. yesterday I was watching its episode on 'The persistence of memory'. That made me wonder, again, on how our brain works, what is this self, and how, through it, science and spirituality are connected.
He showed the anatomical structure of brain and its evolution and its various parts, and showed what function is associated with each part. Apart from Cerebral cortex other parts of our brain are quite the same as brains of reptiles or lower mammals. He showed how they are associated with tendencies like aggressiveness, territoriality, jealousy etc. so these features are quite deeply ingrained in us. they follow it, so do we. now I wondered what separates us from them. Carl Sagan said its the 'Thought' that's characteristic to us and its produced by cerebral cortex which stores memory, synthesize and analyse it and finally produce something called thought from it.
But I wonder what is thought. in other animals, whatever comes in their brain they immediately act upon it. if due to some outer sensation their part of brain producing aggression activates, then their body will immediately react accordingly i.e. aggressively. they cannot 'think' over this aggressiveness they are feeling; they must act under it...they are bound to act; they are slaves of their brain. But what happens in us? aren't we too slaves? suppose our brain also produce same aggressiveness due to same outer sensation. Now what will we do? In us this aggressive feeling will act on the memory cells of cerebral cortex and those cells which are related to current outer sensation will activate. then these activated cells will be "analysed" by elaborate network of cerebral cortex and this analysis manifests itself as a thought. But then what? who will "see" this thought and act on it? where am "I" in this scene? I wonder what is self. this question must be answered if i am to reach anywhere. A thought is a kind of second action. body is no longer the only way to act now. that aggressiveness  indeed has done its part by producing a thought. its like we are divided into two selfs now - the body and the thought. or you can say that thought is preliminary to body, a kind of its assistant.
But that's not the answer. what is the self that is experiencing that thought, that analysis. who is judging that thought and drawing out future plans based on it. Is it all brains doing? its too complicated, too interconnected. why will brain do so? why, and more importantly how, will it add an extra step in its working i.e. a judger, a self? why don't it simply do the analysis and act accordingly? why bring a judger, a future planner? can't it plan future itself based on that analysis? or do the self simply easy up its task in doing so? you know, I do have its answer but I somehow don't want to accept that (don't know why). V.S. Ramachandran did indeed pointed out in 'the tell-tale brain' that self is an illusion produced by brain so that it can work smoothly. its a kind of imaginary focal point of all the doings of brain. self thinks it is doing everything although in reality brain is doing them independently. but i don't accept it by heart somehow. my own self don't allow me to perhaps :-P. I must work it out before i can step any further or draw out any conclusion.
to be continued....

Decoding Suffering

How can one think rightly if his mind is not free. its a vicious circle, a very dark, violent, hellious, inescapable circle. suppose one's mind has changed somewhat (which keeps happening from time to time). now there will originate conflict b'coz of differences of past and present. this conflict will lead to suffering. he will suffer and will think for ways to get out of this suffering. but nothing will work since the origin of change of mind is not in our hand. and so things won't work out and he will thus suffer more because of this frustration of why am i not getting out of suffering while i am putting this much effort. this will flood his mind with fears and passions and desires. and in this way his mind gets bounded and no longer remains free the way it was before change. now because of these passions filling his mind he won't be able to think rightly.  the more he will think of ways to get out the more he will sink. ah! what pity. what viciousness and violence! Is there no way out? is one doomed to suffer?
for solution we must take a deeper look at its origin. why did his mind change? well, in my experience i have found that here there is no control of me. mind seems to have its own mind. it changes all by itself. perhaps based on some other laws like astrology, or perhaps not. But the change is there, and it can occur anytime. that's for sure. Now why does conflict arise because of this change? here may lie the solution because after conflict suffering is bound to come and with that everything else. why can't one accept change and MOVE ON? if he could do so, perhaps he will never suffer.
How does one suffer? what is this suffering? to tell you frankly, a suffering that can be put in proper names and statement is a very superficial suffering. a very childish, on the surface, Hippocritic suffering. But this is what is visible to us. we can think in words only. so we take it for true and keep working on it. have you ever tried to FEEL your suffering? not to put it in words or its causes but just to  feel suffering alone? here lies its reality. you will find that you are not suffering from this or that, but there is just suffering itself. a cause unto itself. it is a mind filled with trouble, a chaotic mind. that's what suffering is -- a chaos.
Now, how to get out of all this?.. from this suffering? What happened with me this time is what I am going to write now.
My mind is in chaos. I am in chaos because I am this and I want to be that. I am split. I am spending my days in suffering. Thinking ways to get out of all this. but none is working. some may console me for some time or work temporarily for some time but again and again it comes down to suffering. so that's how my days are passing. Now, what if you suddenly one day feel quite at ease. what if you feel like suddenly a load has been removed from your head and you are feeling light after a long time. Has this ever happened to you? maybe you are visiting a new place, or have just finished a light, heartly chit-chat with your loved one or dear friend. have you felt relieved at such occasions...a temporary forgetfulness of a heavy load of daily thinking pattern for some moments? It may happen at such moments. MAY. I am not saying that it WILL happen at such moments or ONLY at such moments. no. I just wanted to give a kind of hint of how it feels when it happens.  In my case I was attending a seminar. there was a kind guy teaching there. very honest and frank kind. so I enjoyed the whole time of seminar, not by its content but by the way he was teaching..his voice and all that. and when I came out (I was alone as none of my friend agreed to wait for it) i was walking down the stairs and then towards the water-cooler. at this time I suddenly reflected on myself. and I found that i was not worried. I was not in any troubled state. before this, my past usually used to come over me to give me all kind of worries and anxieties the moment i used to be alone. but not this time. the past was not over me. I was in present. and i was at ease. and in all my journey of one and half hour through bus i just kept reflecting on myself and comparing my present state with past states. and it lead to a kind of bliss in all over my head and mind. I was feeling very light and happy.
This was personal experience, but what had happened was that I got out of my troubled state. so easily, so in a smooth fashion.
But now, after 2 days or so, I can again see it coming back. all that is again taking branches in my mind. and perhaps I will soon fall back in same old trap and circle. the fiber of net maybe new (or maybe not) but the trap is same. not I, but my mind. but since I am identified with my mind, I will too.

What I learned from all this is that Truth is neither in worrying nor in not worrying, since both are temporary states. Why at one time mind is troubled and in peace at another time? why are its states so temporary? whatever the reason. but its not its temporariness that leads to suffering. its my playing the role, my identification with the state. mind changes, and I gets changed with it. almost immediately I take up the new roles given to me and starts playing again. Don't become the player again. remain detached, don't get carried away. none of your doing matters. it doesn't better things up, at best it only worsens them. guard yourself.

"Be at peace Govinda, Be at peace."      -- from the movie 'Siddharta' 

Beyond Thought

Now I am gonna write it out publicly. Enough is enough.

The case is this:
I was on my holiday trip to Port Blair. We all were ready for the next event - seeing adivasis, cavemen. that day, before sitting in bus, my mood was somewhat (-ve) or sad. so in the initial journey one kind of thoughts were coming in mind ((-ve) type), and I was well applying reason and logic to extend and generalize them further to draw out some conclusions about Truth or Life. those conclusions were looking very right and true at those moments.
Now, as the journey proceeded, we were passing through a jungle. and seeing all the variety of beauty all around me my mood changed in pleasant and joyous..i.e. (+ve). after this (+ve) kind of thoughts started coming in mind; and again I applied logic and reason and drew out different conclusions about life and truth. and again, conclusions were looking very right and true at those moments.
So you see, conclusions about a thing depends mostly on one's mood, or better say, state of mind. You cannot find any fault in the logics applied in drawing out conclusions.  No, logic applied is always right. but still the conclusion is wrong and faulty. that's because its origin was faulty. its origin was impermanent.
the original, the initial thoughts didn't occur independently. they depend on state of mind. the kind of state your mind has, same kind of thoughts will originate from it, bathed in its color, its flavor  they can't be independent or pure. and so, can't be right.

so this is what I want to say: THOUGHTS ARE UNRELIABLE.

the case above is actually a very ordinary case. such a thing happens with everybody many times. that hum jaisa dekhenge jahan he waisa hi, the nature of world depends on how we see it. and this finding too is a very ordinary finding. But even after finding and knowing it conceptually, I somehow always get lost in its net.
Its not the first time I am finding this fact that thoughts are unreliable. I had strongly realized it when my state of mind went through a big change (circle of life). at that time also I saw strongly how all my thoughts, my ideals, my views, my sankalps..all these things which characterizes me and which I think I am, how strongly they depends on my state of mind. and how easily most of them got changed once my state of mind changed. But slowly slowly again new kind of thoughts started coming and new kind of views started becoming. and I was again lost in them, thinking them as so mine, so permanent, so true. And I again started working and efforting in the direction to try to grow and perfectize them, as if they are extremely important in my life. One (I) may easily waste weeks, months, years or even whole life in considering these thoughts as something very important and trying to develop them. these thoughts are very illusory, very mine looking, very close, very true looking.
Also the question comes - what else to believe, what else to follow, what else to seek if not my own thoughts? If my own thoughts are unreliable, what else to rely on? well, i have no answer to this question as per my experience. but in theory i may say that we should seek and rely on growth of our being, the real being, the real 'I'. that maybe of some real use, some real significance.

   

                                                     this is our guiding light!            

Poem of Meditation

Great things
happens in a way you never expect.
somewhere from nowhere
comes everything.
You try & try
but nothing happens,
because you try by mind.
and when it happens
its divine.
you see the foolishness of your trying
all the errors in your trying
and the reasons of non-working of trying.

Was reading Osho since long time
& trying to apply what he said
trying to "do" witnessing.
but it didn't happen
not at all.
correcting here and there,
but no, a big NO.

today, out of nowhere..
read an upanishad
and just after finishing it
trying to contemplate it
and draw out the conclusions
I was lost............
lost somewhere
lost in myself.
and perhaps lost in that which i was trying & trying earlier.
so childishly i was trying, i realized
so wrongly
so through mind.
and today,
it happened from inside.
i could easily see it
that it is happening through inside, not through mind.
& i was still contemplating that upanishad,
seeing the wrongness of my trying,
understanding what Osho meant,
& experiencing this unique, utterly unique experience,
all at the same time.

What was it?
perhaps this is what Osho calls meditation
& being at centre.
i was at my centre,
or atleast i was at a deeper level than mind.
i was experiencing great various feeling going through my head
sometimes rising, sometimes falling.
its still there.

I don't know if it is temporary or permanent
If i am changed temporarily or permanently
If tomorrow i will be the same person or a different person.
how hopely i hope it to be permanent
how lovingly i hope this,
To be atleast a little up from everyday misery
to go above this jewish mind, cunning, selfish mind
to go above fears of future
to go above guilts
to go above bondages of love of family.
i hope it is permanent
but even if it is temporary
i have learnt many things from it now:
that meditating through same mind is not meditating at all.
it will never succeed
because it is not even nearabout the real meditation.
real meditation is when you are at a deeper level than mind
when you are towards centre
when "trying" to witness is not there
because all trying is of mind.
Just sit, close eyes, & dive deep within your being
forget all about "ways" of meditation
dive absolutely suddenly
there are no levels of diving
dive immediately.
don't let mind decide how to witness, what to witness
don't think of anything at all
sit, close eyes and dive deep.
when you are at centre, not mind
you will yourself know it.
otherwise always remember you are at mind.



[ dated:26-10-2012
I actually wrote it all in my diary just after that experience, so that i don't completely forget it & may recall atleast the glimpses of it later in "normal" life. first ofcourse i intended to write in normal way, but found that utterly powerless. so i switched to my old friend - poetry. ]

Circle Of Life - Update

I would like to add some of my recent observations into 'Circle of life' post.
I was wondering why we are in a different mood each day. I mean when we (wherever i use 'we' consider it more 'I' than 'we', b'coz i observed it with myself only) get up in the morning it is like  a new day, a new feeling flows within us, a new mood. and its not always same. it keeps changing with mornings. sometimes we have same mood every morning for a cluster of days and sometimes it changes everyday.
Here I would like to add a recent experience of mine because that will make you understand what i actually want to say.
I have been reading Osho essentially since last 6  months. He talks about Meditation. Actually his core teaching is just meditation, i think. All else is circling around it. So i too started trying it. but couldn't really. i used to get tired; it used to more strain mind than calming it. I wasn't getting it, in short. He calls it a 'knack' to get what meditation is. But some time back, i had experienced something which i may really call meditation, b'coz it matched almost all characteristics Osho talks about of meditation. It was a VERY strange experience, something i had never experienced before. All trivial bodily pains disappeared, and my mind, or I, was on some 'other plane'...how else to define it i don't know b'coz i had never felt something like that before. before that, my back was etching, mosquitoes were irritating me...but during that all such things became unimportant. as if i am something else from the body.
anyways, after that experience i had got some idea what meditation is like. so i started to try it again and again how to get it again...i.e. how to become aware, b'coz meditation is nothing  but awareness (as Osho defines it); How to become aware of body and mind; how to feel separated from these two things and watch them. But now i comes to my point. I felt that I am not the same everyday, because someday i used to feel like that very easily, almost without effort and someday only frustrations was where i used to end even after much trying and efforting. Actually most of the days fall into second case with only some rare days into the first (like today). And second case too had many levels. someday i won't even try even if thought of it comes in mind, someday i would try only half-heartily, and someday i would try with much effort but to no result. Its not that i would try half-heartily because i wanted to; even if i wanted to give it full try it wouldn't come to be full...my full from inside used to prove only half outside.
What i want to say is that everyday we are different. or our states of mind are different. So it seems that the circle of life which i talked about 2 posts earlier applies to everyday level too. That on larger level produces more deeper impact and its time period is more. and this one of smaller level produces relatively smaller impacts of shorter duration. And applying Maths, it may be working on many more larger and smaller levels. Maybe the difference of ours in day and night may also be counted, but i won't apply that b'coz that may also be because of tiredness of whole day work too.
I was also wondering about on what factor these cycles depend. Does it has something to do with grah - planets i.e. astrology? Although I personally don't believe such things, but currently there is no other explanation.

What The *Bleep* Do We Know?

A few updates I today thought of in my universe theory. And this time it didn't came out of the blues; I had to work it out. But that too isn't entirely true. the original source was still outside. Actually today I was watching a science documentary - 'What the bleep do we know?' and its still only half watched, thanks to the Aircel downloading speed. But it was awesome. Exactly something like my own theory i.e. connection of quantum theory with spirituality.
tell you what, I don't know how but these senses and everyday life somehow always got catch me and get hold of me. I know they aren't truth but it seems just knowing is not enough at all. it is almost certainly clear to me now that all these mind things - fear, jealousy, anger, love, beauty.. all these are just temporary things. they aren't truth. one can change one's personality any time and can on and off any of them at will, only if one know that art. so such temporary things can't be truth. it is said that some are mind things and some are heart things. mind things are ones which we think and heart things are our feelings. but still ultimately they all originate from brain. they are not 'divine' characteristics i.e. characteristics of consciousness. but still i live in them almost all the time, gets completely lost in them, and, except times like now, treat them as complete truth. treating illusion as reality. perhaps that's why it is said by all the mystics down the ages - that we are 'asleep'. asleep because we can't see the falseness of all this illusion. we are fully engrossed in it.
But then, what is reality? What is truth?
certainly i don't know. but based on current scientific progresses it is confirm to me that whatever upto now we felt in our daily life, or whatever is told by religions, or by enlightened ones isn't TRUTH. either they are illusions (daily life) or they are ways to reach the truth. here i can realize the meaning of a sentence said by a zen master - 'finger pointing to the moon'. they are just showing us fingers. finger isn't moon itself. Sometimes Osho talks about sex and about how divine it is, and sometimes he himself criticizes it, calling it just a toy. and I think same is the case with what religions have taught down the ages about love towards god, devotion to god, praying, repenting, meditation. These are all ways to the truth. sometimes working sometimes not.
But then i was wondering how can all these ways work at all. Truth is one, so everything other than that must be illusion. look, love is illusion and i am living in illusion. so how can illusion work on illusion to create truth!

Anyway, it seems I have given a whole lecture. and that too unnecessarily. its of no use. I should come to the point worth pointing.
Buddha said I am pure awareness. who is the one sitting inside our head watching all the drama of thoughts and senses? who is that which you call 'I'? when i think about it i feel that it is not just all about the brain. brain is just processing incoming information. Who am I who is still experiencing or observing that processed information? Thus i am taking words of Buddha as granted, that 'I AM AWARENESS'. my real being is awareness. now according to quantum theory, a thing remains in its chaotic state as long as it is not observed by an observer. one can say that before an observer the thing was just not present at all, or the thing was everywhere. just nothing could be said said about it. but the moment observer came, it turned into something. so it is b'coz of the observer that the thing is present. Thus i can say that the observer is God since he is creating the object, or better say that he is giving it LIFE, intrinsic energy to exist. and perhaps that's why it is said in hindu scriptures that 'Tat twam asi'  - you are god, that god is inside you. because i am awareness i am observing things, thus they exist. i am creating the whole universe just by my presence. here i would like to add that although it is not said by science, i think that from its infinite possibilities the thing turns into one of them. but what determines in which one of them it will turn. i think it is determined by what kind of observer is observing it. so it is all observer's choice. he will see whatever he wants to see. so its again the same problem i discussed in my previous post, that there is no way for you to know how the other feels. its because he sees the universe in a different way than you. his whole universe is different from you. the similarities, like same newton's laws for both, arises because of similar evolution. if you have enough will you can change a rabbit into a duck :-P...and perhaps that's why they say that 'you are bounded. free yourself.' how are we bounded? we are bounded by our mind's conditioning, our hardwired prejudices of seeing things only in one way. perhaps through enlightenment we become free even from this bondage. i can't even visualize that!
Another thing i found was the answer to one of my questions i asked in previous post - why only we, the humans, can get enlightened? and the answer, i suspect, is BRAIN. A neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran in his book -'The tell-tale brain' showed that our brain creates an illusion of self. I am referring to a scientist because 'when a scientist proves it, it becomes a fact'. otherwise mystics have always said that the self, the ego is just an illusion...perhaps the biggest. thus our brain creates a false 'I' for us which we think is the true 'I'. now this creates a contrast...a contrast between true 'I' & false 'I'. although i am pure awareness, but I don't know that i am pure awareness. Osho explained it this way - that a fish can never know about the existence of water and that it is living in water, just because it has never known anything other than water. there is no contrast, nothing to compare with. but once you bring it out of the water then it will know about the existence and the importance of water. Thus our brain creates a contrast. although i am awareness, i can know it only when there is something i can compare it with i.e. a false awareness which the brain creates. No other thing in our universe, no other animal has this false sense of self. thus they can never know about the true one either. but we humans have. thus half job is done. by nature. But what about the other half. nature created a false self for us. but now we are so fully engrossed in it that take it for true. that's the whole effort of religions and enlightened ones, to make us aware of the true self.

So these are the two things i wants to add to my universe theory:
1. we are God. we create our own universe.
2. it is our brain that makes us special and puts us at the top of evolutionary table.

                                                  (best pic i could ever get! :-D)

Circle Of Life

It seems my days of "despondency & despair" are over. it also seems that its all controlled by mind and time. sometimes we are above our senses and feels like masters of senses, and sometimes we are below our senses and feels like slaves of senses. the former results in "good times" of our life and latter - "bad times" of our life. also called ups and downs. in bad times, when senses are above us, we (I) think that something is wrong outside or of our inabilities. but its all an interplay of mind and time. we can't do anything. it happens by itself. atleast in my case its all happening by itself.
in my "bad times" i kept on blaming either myself or my surrounding for the bad that was happening and kept on trying and trying and efforting, but in vain. it continued for almost 2 years. and now, since last few weeks, everything is looking fine. same surroundings, same my abilities but everything seems to have become OK by itself. and i am feeling happy and joyous again although i did nothing.


Perhaps we go on moving and running in these ups and downs all our life. it certainly seems better to remain stable rather than moving like a pendulum, if the resultant is same. only if we could achieve that stability.